I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

Archive for the ‘Friday Flip Offs’ Category

Friday Flip Offs – September 24th Edition


Happy Friday!  I’m so glad that I can see the weekend from here!

This week I’ve got lots to flip off.  Gigi is still working the Back to School, Back to Blogging event so Momma Kiss is hosting again this week!  Be sure to stop by!
To my OB/GYN’s office… On Tuesday I got to visit my OB/GYN so he could smear my Pap.  This appointment is lovely all by itself, but when you add in the 2 HOURS that I spent chillin’ there it just gets better.  My appointment was at 8:55AM.  I arrived as soon as the doors opened at 8:30AM.  I look around, smile nice, and say good morning to the other 4 ladies who are waiting to see the same Dr.  I quickly figure this all up in my head and deduce he’s going to have to see all of them for only 5 minutes a piece for me to be seen at my appointment time.  At a little after 9AM, they finally call me back.  To the 2nd waiting area.  Finally I get put in a room.  A nurse does all the junk like take my blood pressure, ask about my period, how many pregnancies, how many kids, yada, yada, yada…  She hands me the ass-flapper gown and a starchy white sheet.  Get nekkid, she says.  So I sit, with my ass catching a breeze in the most uninviting doctors office I have ever been in.  One magazine, Field & Stream.  Not one single picture, poster, or clock on the damn wall.  NOT ONE.  I can’t even open the blinds on the window to see if there is any life left out there because they’ve got those new fangled blinds that are inside the glass.  I sat for almost 30 minutes before the doctor finally arrived in the room.  I made it out alive at almost 10:30AM.  So FLIP OFF for over scheduling patients and making us wait in what amounts to the most uncomfortable place for we ladies to go.
To the overly loud nurse at the OB/GYN’s office…  I understand that you need to take my information, but could you possibly call me to the counter before practically yelling my information across the room?  Oh and by the way, when you are calling patients back to let them know their lab results are back, why don’t you do that from a separate room?  I don’t know… maybe a room where there aren’t 3 other patients sitting and hearing every single word you say.  FLIP OFF loud nurse!
To the over priced, insufferably shitty trash service…  Do you notice a pattern here?  You are on my list practically EVERY WEEK.  This week you are on it because guess what?  My trash pick up day was yesterday.  Not today.  I didn’t enjoy picking up all the stinky smelly trash that ended up in my yard because you didn’t arrive to pick up my trash on the correct day.  FLIP OFF yet again, Scott Waste Management.
To the lazy asshole… who pulled up in my driveway yesterday and blew the horn.  Not once, not twice, not even three times, but a total of at least 5 times (not just one honk each time either).  Are your damn legs broken?  Were your passengers legs broken as well?  Let me tell you a little secret, if you are too damn lazy to get out of your vehicle and walk about 10 feet to knock on my door, I’m too damn lazy to come out to see who you are and what you want.  FLIP OFF you asshole.
Do you have some vents to let loose with this week?  Add your post to the blog hop!  Make sure to visit the other lovely ladies as well!
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Friday Flip-offs – September 10th Edition

It’s that time again… virtual detox day normally brought to you by Gigi at Kludgy Mom, but for the next few weeks will be hosted by Momma Kiss!  Gigi is hosting a Back to School, Back to Blogging class.  Join up!

To Scott Waste Management… That’s right, I’m calling you out by name this time.  You’ve been on my list before and I am certain that if others in my area did a Friday Flip-off you would be on their lists as well.  Your drivers are horrible.  Your schedule has me wondering if you even know what a schedule is.  If I forget to place my container by the road the night before, your driver arrives at not a minute past 5AM.  If I have the damn container out there, he shows up whenever the hell he pleases.  My can is freakin’ overflowing…. come get the damn trash already!!   Until then… FLIP OFF!!

To the seeds of my loin…  I love you guys.  Wouldn’t give anything for either one of you because you are both priceless.  However if you guys don’t stop being such little brats… I may have to take extreme measures.  You are ungrateful and disrespectful and I’ve had all I can take.  The whining, the eye rolling, the complaining is going to stop.  While I know they aren’t going to be reading this blog, I’m writing this to remind myself that I’m the parent therefore I am the law.  So get with the program or FLIP OFF!

(Yes, I just flipped off my children.   Sue me.)

To the person who decided we must all have a “digital” television signal…  You suck.  Before the whole “digital conversion” we could receive about 11 different stations.  Now we get 3.  Of course those 3 stations only come in clearly on perfect days.  And even then sometimes it’s just hit and miss.  At least with the analog signal we could get something that resembled a signal and not all those weird little boxes all over the screen and the annoying sound of what resembles a bad cell phone connection.  I just want my local news!  Is that too much to ask for??  Argh… FLIP OFF!

To overly zealous religious folk…  Burning any religious artifact or book is wrong.  I am not of any certain religion myself (and this is quite possibly because of all those overly zealous religious folk) and even I know that burning a bunch of Qur’ans is not the smartest thing you could do.  Doing so serves no purpose and does nothing but make you look like an asshole and put the rest of the country in danger.  FLIP OFF!!

Do you need a virtual detox?  Add yours to the list by visiting Momma Kiss!  Have a great weekend!

Friday Flip Offs – September 3rd Edition

Happy Friday (and a holiday weekend to boot)!!

The virtual detox known as Friday Flip-offs is brought to you every week by Gigi of Kludgy Mom fame!  Make sure to stop by her blog to show her some love!

Without further ado…

To the local school board for forcing us to purchase clear or mesh backpacks for our children.  Let me explain something to you people… the clear, plastic-y type backpacks aren’t worth a shit.  By Christmas they are all stiff and ripping and a waste of my time.  The mesh backpacks?  They offer no support AT ALL for young childrens backs and posture.  On Tuesday, the school nurse called to say that my Neil-age was sick.  His back pack looked extremely overstuffed.  On Wednesday morning I decided to weigh it.  SEVENTEEN POUNDS!!  Ridiculous!  My little man is 10 years old and weighs 61 lbs.  If he is going to be required to pack around a back pack that weighs more than 10% of his own body weight, please allow me to buy a sturdy, well padded back pack.  For your lack of understanding… FLIP OFF.

To the Equator that decided to move to 37° 40′ 8″ N (that’s Kentucky).  You roasted us and made the Summer months unbearable.  So much so that now Summer is pretty much over and I don’t know where it went.  Possibly back to 0° N or S with you? … FLIP OFF.

To social networking “friends” that haven’t spoken more than 10 words to me…. ever.  This is your notice.  I’m going to be doing a clean up on da Facebook today.  It’s not a popularity contest so my “friend” count doesn’t mean shit.  Having people that actually speak to me on my list is more important to me.  It kind of amazes me the people who will send you a friend request.  Looking back I’m not sure why I even accepted.  So guess what…. FLIP OFF.

To the factory where my husband works… Listen I know that you pay my bills and I appreciate the overtime that you offer on a normal basis, but this weekend?  Really?  Come on!  I want to holiday on a holiday… why you gots to ruin it for me?  Ugh… FLIP OFF.

Virtual detox is awesome!  Give it a try and visit with other bloggers at Kludgy Mom!

P.S.  I’m going to be working on the new Fall blog layout today.  I know I’m supposed to wait until the Autumnal Equinox, but… but… I’m itching to change it up!  I just can’t wait 2 1/2 more weeks!  Bare with me during the construction period…

Friday Flip Offs – August 27th Edition

Friday Flip-offs are brought to you by Gigi at Kludgy Mom!  Go visit her blog and give her some love!

Though I’ve had a fairly good week, I haven’t done a nice virtual detox in a while and it’s time.

To my fragile, splitting, peeling fingernails…  Why can’t you just grow like normal fingernails?  Though I love getting my nails done every couple of weeks, it’s not only bad for my nails, it can be kind of costly.  Just grow already…  FLIP OFF!

To the people who barely spoke a word to me while in school (13 years ago) or now for that matter, who suddenly feel the need to think they actually know me because we are “friends” on some social networking site…  You do not know me at all so…  FLIP OFF!

To those crazy weird looking cave crickets in my basement… you are CREEPY go away and FLIP OFF!

Why is there a frog in my basement?  Could it be those crickets?  Ahhhhhh….. FLIP OFF!!

*sigh*  Well, that feels slightly better!  Want to have a little virtual detox of you own?  Join up with the blog hop and visit other Friday Flip-offs!

Friday Flip Offs – July 28th Edition

It’s that time again.  Time for some virtual detox!  Thanks to Gigi from Kludgy Mom.

*I saw your number on the caller ID the other day.  TWO DAYS after her birthday.  I begged the husband to call you back for an hour.  He didn’t.  She wasn’t here anyway.

*Hey old PVA man, did you have to come take photos of the house when the yard looks like it hasn’t been mowed in 2 weeks?  It looks that way because it actually hasn’t been mowed in 2 weeks, but that’s beside the point.  You haven’t photographed the house in 6 years anyway.

*To the patience that I do not have….

*To the humidity that will not go away!

*To the Summer that didn’t last long enough…

FLIP OFF!
And enjoy your weekend!

Friday Flip Offs – July 16th Edition

Brought to you by Gigi @ Kludgy Mom

This is my 2nd “Friday Flip-offs”.  I missed last week because I was having a bit of a vacation.  I’m happy to be returning this week.

To our dog that is normally an inside dog… why couldn’t you just stay on your chain in your nice shady spot with your nice big pot of water and food?  By wriggling loose from your collar last week, you have somehow acquired a huge, nasty, infected gash on your neck.  The bill that I expect will come from taking you to the vet is more than we can afford right now.  But I will do whatever is necessary for your stubborn behind…

To the kid with the mohawk… would it have killed you to maybe NOT continually grab the bottom portion of my bathing suit every single time you jumped into the pool within inches of my head?  This is actually from last week, but it still bugs me.

To BP this should be self explanatory.

To my brother… what is wrong with you?  What is the attraction of jail to you?  I am so disappointed.

To Mother Earth…  I understand that you are suffering through a lot of crap, especially right now, but jeezy louisey, it’s too stinkin’ hot!

To the trash man…  Am I seriously asking too much to have you place the empty canister upright where you found it?  I just don’t understand why you have to dump the bin over after you’ve emptied it.

Need to do your own VIRTUAL DETOX?  Join in the blog hop and visit the other blogs F.F.O.

Friday Flip Offs – July 2nd Edition

Thanks to Gigi at Kludgymom

I’ve seen a few Friday Flip Offs at A Beautiful Mess, but have never participated in one.  This week I’m feeling the need to vent a bit so I’m going to give it a go!

To the trash company who picks up our trash whenever they feel like it instead of when they are supposed to…

To my laundry that I swear multiplies while I sleep at night…

To the flooding that happened two months ago that is still ruining all fun I would like to have with my family at Barren River Lake…

To certain people (who have to remain nameless because I don’t want to deal with their drama) that can sometimes be real arseholes for seeming to forget that they have other family member that they keep ignoring…

To the arthritis that has taken up residence in my ankle and one stinkin’ finger…  I am 31 years old!  Couldn’t you have waiting until I was a little older?

FLIP OFF!!!

Guess what?  It’s your turn!  Participate in the blog hop and vent your Friday Flip Offs!  Don’t forget to visit the other blogs!