I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

Hanging On Tight

I just can’t seem to let this go.  Maybe because that’s my personality. 

I’m continuing on in a fashion of sorts on the “letter” I posted on Wednesday.  I know that I was complaining about The Lady judging others.  In essence that is exactly what I am doing, judging her.  I know this isn’t the right thing to do either, but one of my pet peeves is people who are “know-it-alls”.  The type who can’t help but speak condescendingly to everyone.  The type who can’t help but tell you how your way of thinking is wrong and theirs is right.  You know the type who have that same sandwich, but their sandwich is better than your sandwich because theirs in bigger and has more veggies and of course, they can’t wait to tell you how you should order yours more like theirs so yours can be as good as theirs are.  Even when you didn’t ask for their sandwich.

There will always be debating.  Rarely do people agree on everything.  There are just some subjects that should be avoided.  Abortion.  Religion.  How you live YOUR life.  In my opinion, these are issues that rarely end in a good conversation.  More likely, a good argument.  Another subject of recent debate, grief.  How long should one grieve the loss of a loved one?  Should there be a time limit?  Should there be a standard of practice on how to actually do the grieving?  I read an absolute wonderful post, recommended by Cam, made by Mel on her blog.  So many insightful things she said.  So many different ways and so many different things that will make us remember our losses.  Even when the losses may not have been personally “attached” to us.

Everyone has a different way of grieving.  Everyone reacts differently to situations.  The amount of time we take to grieve our losses is subjective.  It’s like Mel said in her blog… if we are only allowed a certain amount of time to grieve as deemed appropriate by others, namely the “know-it-alls”, then why do we celebrate holidays such as Memorial Day, Patriot Day, Remembrance Day, or even Halloween?  Aren’t those days we celebrate, remember, and grieve our losses?  This month of July 2009 has been the deadliest month for U.S. troops in Afghanistan.  Are you going to tell their families in 5 years that it’s time for them to move on?  Why erect memorials in honor of great wars or great people if after only a few years have past?  I mean do we need to tear down the monuments in honor of people because it’s been “long enough” in your eyes?   

Telling anyone that the time to move past their loss is upon them just days before the anniversary of that loss is, frankly, cruel and a selfish attempt to force your opinion on someone.  We mark these days with celebrations, moments, thoughts, and tears so that all other days may be devoted to LIFE.  Our lives.  The lives we live everyday.  Knowing each and everyday that this person or that person is no longer with us so we should value the time we get to spend with those closest to us today.  And believe me, Cam lives her life.  Fully.

So on this day, the day after what I have come to celebrate, remember, value, and call Brooklyn’s Day, I am closing the Book of Brooklyn.  Carefully placing a 5 year old ribbon on the page to mark this place until next year when once again I will open that book.  Read her recipe for L-I-V-I-N….

I have another book I have to open tomorrow.  An ancient nearly 8 year old Book of Kaia Papaya.

I ask the “know-it-alls”, well the “know-it-all”… Should there be a time limit to the amount of time we celebrate births?  As there seem to be limits on the time we grieve?  I mean essentially we have a party every year to celebrate getting one year closer to death.


Comments on: "Hanging On Tight" (4)

  1. I'm glad you're saying how you feel about this. It's a difficult and sensitive subject. I think some lines should not be crossed, but perhaps I am often guilty of overstepping the mark with others myself. I know I can be a know-it-all at times. However, I'm not equivocal on this matter. In fact I'm a little incensed, but don't want to stir the storm up too much more …. actually, that sounds downright wimpish. But I'm finding it hard to say what I think. It's easier for you to defend Cam, she's your best buddy. And if I'm going to say what I think, I should probably say it to the Lady herself. But perhaps 103 Followers can really go to your head? I have recently had my own bad experience with an email from "a friend" that started with, "now, I'm saying this out of love for you." If you have to qualify what you're about to say like that, then it clearly should not be said at all.

  2. I love you!You know, those know-it-all's are everywhere…. this one just seemed to open her big mouth at the wrong place and wrong time… I think she does that alot as far as I am concerned- just from reading past comments, but that's just me…Mom has been reading a book on grieving because she was told "at work" by some of her "friends" that she needs to pack away some of Roger's things…. I don't agree… The book doesn't either… it states that grief is dealt with differently by everyone. It states that YOU and ONLY YOU can know when it's time to put their things away and/or move on- saying it can be 6 months, 20 years, or never. Roger's boots are still in the same spot they were before he went to the hospital. Even Eden knows that's where they belong. There are some things that just "are" and that's how they are supposed to be.I know this is bothering you- and in NO WAY will I tell you to move on or just let it go- for anger is alot like grief… I don't think you are wrong to be angry with this busybody- seems to me that she just wanted to try and "outshine" someone… when she just made herself look like an ass. You keep doing everything you are doing to be the BESTEST friend to Cam, and to me too!! You are wonderful and that's why we all love you so much.(Ok, I'm done writing my blog…. I think I'll put a link to you on my page because this is the most I have written in a long time….) HAHA Love you!!!

  3. Did you see the comment she posted on that blog you directed us to? Geez, will she ever just leave it be and keep her nose to herself?I think Samantha is right, she has let her number if readers go to her head?!?!

  4. Thank you Samantha and Rubi! I do agree with you Samantha, that I am feeling this way because I feel like I should defend my Cam. I did probably go a little overboard…

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