I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

Archive for July 24, 2009

Hanging On Tight

I just can’t seem to let this go.  Maybe because that’s my personality. 

I’m continuing on in a fashion of sorts on the “letter” I posted on Wednesday.  I know that I was complaining about The Lady judging others.  In essence that is exactly what I am doing, judging her.  I know this isn’t the right thing to do either, but one of my pet peeves is people who are “know-it-alls”.  The type who can’t help but speak condescendingly to everyone.  The type who can’t help but tell you how your way of thinking is wrong and theirs is right.  You know the type who have that same sandwich, but their sandwich is better than your sandwich because theirs in bigger and has more veggies and of course, they can’t wait to tell you how you should order yours more like theirs so yours can be as good as theirs are.  Even when you didn’t ask for their sandwich.

There will always be debating.  Rarely do people agree on everything.  There are just some subjects that should be avoided.  Abortion.  Religion.  How you live YOUR life.  In my opinion, these are issues that rarely end in a good conversation.  More likely, a good argument.  Another subject of recent debate, grief.  How long should one grieve the loss of a loved one?  Should there be a time limit?  Should there be a standard of practice on how to actually do the grieving?  I read an absolute wonderful post, recommended by Cam, made by Mel on her blog.  So many insightful things she said.  So many different ways and so many different things that will make us remember our losses.  Even when the losses may not have been personally “attached” to us.

Everyone has a different way of grieving.  Everyone reacts differently to situations.  The amount of time we take to grieve our losses is subjective.  It’s like Mel said in her blog… if we are only allowed a certain amount of time to grieve as deemed appropriate by others, namely the “know-it-alls”, then why do we celebrate holidays such as Memorial Day, Patriot Day, Remembrance Day, or even Halloween?  Aren’t those days we celebrate, remember, and grieve our losses?  This month of July 2009 has been the deadliest month for U.S. troops in Afghanistan.  Are you going to tell their families in 5 years that it’s time for them to move on?  Why erect memorials in honor of great wars or great people if after only a few years have past?  I mean do we need to tear down the monuments in honor of people because it’s been “long enough” in your eyes?   

Telling anyone that the time to move past their loss is upon them just days before the anniversary of that loss is, frankly, cruel and a selfish attempt to force your opinion on someone.  We mark these days with celebrations, moments, thoughts, and tears so that all other days may be devoted to LIFE.  Our lives.  The lives we live everyday.  Knowing each and everyday that this person or that person is no longer with us so we should value the time we get to spend with those closest to us today.  And believe me, Cam lives her life.  Fully.

So on this day, the day after what I have come to celebrate, remember, value, and call Brooklyn’s Day, I am closing the Book of Brooklyn.  Carefully placing a 5 year old ribbon on the page to mark this place until next year when once again I will open that book.  Read her recipe for L-I-V-I-N….

I have another book I have to open tomorrow.  An ancient nearly 8 year old Book of Kaia Papaya.

I ask the “know-it-alls”, well the “know-it-all”… Should there be a time limit to the amount of time we celebrate births?  As there seem to be limits on the time we grieve?  I mean essentially we have a party every year to celebrate getting one year closer to death.