First, let me say that I have no idea where this body came from. It’s like I woke up one morning and someone had taken the old body. It was total invasion of the body snatchers. Without the whole alien life forms and stuff…well, I hope so anyway. Ok, so I’m lying. I’ve watched the transformation. I’ve stood in the bathroom in my undies staring at my butt in the mirror. I’ll admit without shame. Except… it’s more of what Cam would call “my hail damage” as opposed to “my booty”. When did this happen? When did I become the person who has trouble pulling her leg up to tie her freakin’ shoe? Seriously people, I gotta do something here.
Even now, I still here the “Oh, you’re so skinny”‘s and I wish I was your size. I just shake my head. Smile, thanks. This is an announcement to those people — I’m not that skinny people! These individuals don’t see me with my clothes off & all the horror that entails. It’s not about what I weigh. That doesn’t bother me. It’s not about the size of my pants. That did bother me for a while, but I’m over that now. It’s about where all this “stuff” has taken up residence on me. It’s in all the wrong places. Couldn’t it just migrate to the appropriate places?
I am a procrastinator, I am a lazy person. Exercise sounds like torture to me. I don’t want to do it. My excuse to myself that exercise is good will be a Wii Fit. I keep dropping hints to my husband. Maybe he will take the bait.
What the problem here is that I didn’t used to have to do anything to stay skinny. Then I turned 29. I swear that is when I started noticing. Just a few months into the year…
…and speaking of this year. If you want to call it that. I prefer a hole in the space time continuum that has sucked everyone I know into a black hole full of shit for the year of Two Thousand & Eight.
The year actually started with my stepdad going to the hospital by ambulance and one of my half-brothers in handcuffs. It was serious. It was bad. I spent the first minutes of this year crying alone in my den floor.
Of course, there is the saga of the Stratus. Still paying for something we shouldn’t have to. Family just doesn’t do that to family. At least, most family’s wouldn’t. Alas, we don’t live in that time. We fell into that hole in the space time continuum… are you following here people? Come on, keep up.
In addition, we pulled a few stragglers with us.
The LaBelle’s made the now infamous “quickest move to Georgia” EVER. Before that, it was “roommate from hell who won’t help out with anything around the house and thinks it’s ok to walk on us” for a while. Just after returning from the “quickest move to Georgia” EVER, it was the “monster beneath the stairs” ‘s turn to contribute to the irrationalism of Two Thousand & Eight by removing their only means of transportation so that “it” could by a new one. And by “just after returning”, I mean like the very next DAY!!! I won’t even start about the “skill saw from hell” that took Mr. LaBelle unawares. That requires a post all it’s own.
Now, we are to Ms. Jeep Chick. She has also fallen with us. Where would we be without friends to struggle with us right? We wouldn’t have anyone to bitch too!!! Barbie Jeep’s dad moved, tests came back not good, stepdad’s with rare forms of the “C” word, her driveway floating away & the neighbor who refuses to believe she’s in the wrong, Jeep Chick’s “C” word is back & it brought a friend, Barbie Jeep’s dad came back…. now leaving again…..
For the love of all things freakin’ holy….can we get to a different year already?!?!?!?!? Someone throw us a rope or a life preserver a’la S.S. Minnow or something… just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of some fucked up shit….
The great thing in all of this…..
The store is now carrying Purity EGGNOG!!!!
Quite ironic since I’ve felt like a mouse stuck in a trap all year. Just think the joys of the holiday season have yet to grace us with their presence. What fun I’m sure this will be.