I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

Archive for October 17, 2008

Where is the Captain?

Today I braved the great outdoors with the devil’s offspring my children. They are on fall break from school this week so we have been walking a very fine line already. Next Tuesday is my son’s 9th birthday. He had mentioned that he would like some new clothes for his birthday. Seeing as how he needs new pants, I thought this worked out well for me. Ha ha ha… boy was I mistaken.

Earlier in the week, I took them with me to take some movies back and go to Hobby Lobby for a few things. They were surprisingly good. They didn’t argue on the way to town. They didn’t ask for everything in the store. I praised them for a job well done. Told them how well they were behaving. I even took them to Starbuck’s for a Vanilla Bean. Ok, really I took me to Starbuck’s for some coffee, but I got them something too! My first mistake was thinking they could behave themselves twice in one week.

Again, I had to go to Hobby Lobby for some supplies. If you don’t have a Hobby Lobby where you are, let me explain. It’s like someone bottled up heaven and put it in a store. Craft materials, holiday decorations, scrapbooking supplies like you wouldn’t believe, home decor…. basically lots of breakable things. Before even leaving the car, I say, “Do not touch anything. Do not ask for anything. Do not ask for the same thing I just told you no about 40 more times. Do you guys understand me?” “Yes”, they say. Did they do it? Hell no. There I was in the aisle trying to be a good mom, but looking like a total ass. “Stop doing that. Get over here. Put that down. Don’t touch that. Get over here. Stop dancing through the aisle. Get over here. No, you may not have that. Get over here. No, you do not have to have that. Get over here.” ARGH!!! I thought I was walking around with two toddlers in tow instead of a 7 and 9 year old.

It was same basic issue when we arrived at Old Navy. They were having a HUGE sale so that made me feel a little bit better. Before we got out of the car, I repeated the same thing I had said at the previous store. Did they listen? What do you think?

I get so jealous of the mom’s with the kids that just walk beside them. The ones that don’t touch everything they walk past. How do they do it? I sometimes want to stop them and ask them if their kids are on drugs because that’s the only way I can see, short of duct tape, to keep my kids from running amok and making me look like the recipient of the Mom Who Has No Control of the Kids award. It always seems like I’m the only one in the whole damn store having to call my kids down. I get embarrassed and don’t know what to do.

Today, though, I just gave up. I paid for what I already had in my hand and out the door we went. We didn’t go anywhere else. We came straight home. I still don’t think either of them understand though. I told them no video games, no cartoon. Go outside, I said.

Meanwhile…. I’m fixing myself a drink. I’m going to immerse myself in a new blog site that Gypsy emailed me. And I’m not coming out…. you can’t make me.